What Kadar Would Want
by That One Doctor There
Summary: "I care about right now. No one should live in the past, it is history. Do not worry for tomorrow, it is only a mystery. Now is what matters. Right now, with you, this is a gift. That is exactly why they call it the present." Altair/Malik Fluff?


Malik sat crumpled on the floor, behind the desk with all his old and flawed maps. The moon took place in the middle of the sky, casting a eerie shadow into the room before. All the vines tied to the skylight shook in the wind, and under the moons light, created images of dancing figures. Dancing slowly, and then fading. The night was not cloudless, and in the few seconds it took for a cloud to move from the moon, Malik was able to fall into another fit of hiccups and sobs. A beautiful night like this, he and Kadar would sit on the roof of the tallest building they could climb, and gaze up at the stars, or the moon, depending on how clear the night was. _Tonight_, Malik thought,_ We would more than likely try to make shadows in the moon's careless glow. It's so bright, it's painful._

Just thinking of his poor, lost brother brought a whole new fit of sobs to his chest. He shook with each sob, and slowly curled into a ball. The closer to himself he got, the less room there would be for him to shiver and shake._ Kadar was so flexible_. The thought crossed to his mind. That short thought, a thought that didn't even last a second started Malik's sobbing all over again. "I'm such a hopeless -_hic_- mess" He said out loud. The stump where his left arm used to be ached. He had been lying on it all night, and the skin was still fragile and delicate. A mere wrong movement would send a jolt of pain up the remaining area of arm he had.

The pain was unbearable. He rolled over to his other arm and continued his sobs. Over time, maybe after the moon stopped forcing it's way out of the clouds and rested behind them, or after the wind stopped it's careless stroll and began running over the leaves, Malik fell asleep. He remained curled in a ball, right behind his desk, with all the dirt and dust from over the years, even though he had only taken place behind the desk several months ago. The moisture from his tears clung to his cheeks, holding with it all the dirt Malik had rolled over. Only few, small drops of moisture clung to his eyelashes. In any other case, he looked as peaceful as you could, on any other night.

* * *

The wind did not rest. It's rushing gust would shake the vines on the skylight awake. Every now and then, the rain would clatter down, then recede, then fall again, in a loop. It was this on and off motion that was getting on Malik's nerves. The sun refused to shine. It was a gloomy day, filling Malik's head with gloomy thoughts. Every so often, the way the weather acted would trigger a quick, two second memory, a two second thought, that was always of Kadar. The rain hammered down, the patter would create a soft beat. The memory would trigger.

_Kadar carelessly tapped his fingers on the table before him. An untidy jumble of parchment and charcoal lie in a crowded mess on it's surface. Malik was mapping some town, city, country, or anything of the sort. He seemed focused, but Kadar couldn't even focus on his thoughts. Writing was so boring._

Every time those quick memories would flip into Malik's head, he would bite the inside of his mouth. He would never dare cry in the middle of the day. He did not want to risk someone stepping in. The wind howled. Later, a worse storm was sure to blow in. The screaming wind held onto Malik's mind for a moment. Another painful memory passed into him.

_It was very late at night. So late, that the moon had started it's journey beyond the skies limit, allowing the sun to begin taking place. The sky was still lit with stars. Kadar stared in awe. Tonight was so pretty. He never found a way to break from the beauty of the moon and stars. Malik had begged him to go to bed, but over time, gave up. He sat there, eyes half lidded, watching his little brother carefully. An animal howled in the distance. Kadar mimicked its noise._

As Malik bit down harder, he could soon taste the iron that filled his mouth._ Too hard_, he thought to himself. He spat the red liquid that had leaked from his torn cheek onto the ground. He needed another way to keep his emotions under control, that did not involve bleeding out from the mouth. He stared down at the half finished map before him. Kadar always hated sitting still. _Kadar..._

_Kadar sat in silence. He inhaled the burning scent of incense. It was never a pleasant smell, even if it was supposed to be. Malik sat mere feet away, softly swaying to the rhythm of the rain. He looked happy. A good look on Malik. When Altair kept his distance, Malik was happy. He didn't want to deal with the man. It mocked him, that Altair, as careless as he was, was a higher rank than himself. Kadar smiled at Malik. He began his own swaying motion, keeping in time to Malik._

Malik pushed his hand to his mouth, like he was trying to compress a yawn by denying his mouth opening access. His hand was balled into a tight fist, his knuckles white, his teeth pushing hard against his lips. He needed to stop thinking about... him. "Move on, stop living in the past." He scolded himself. "You are so weak. He was one person. All assassins are your brothers. Grow close to another, and forget _him_..."

Malik began to hiccup. He pushed his arm to his eyes, like putting pressure on them would keep the tears at bay. He scolded himself again. "No... you can not say that. He was _your _brother. Yours and only yours. You shared the same blood. You can _never_ forget him." His occasional hiccup sped up. He refused to let himself cry. He bit down on his tongue. He pulled at his hair. He paced the room. He thought about _Altair_. But everything he did made him think back to Kadar.

_Kadar never had a problem with Altair. He looked up to him, in a way. He would always look up to his brother more, but him being the highest ranked assassin in all of Masyaf, right next to Al Mualim, well, any lower ranking assassin would look up to him._

The hiccups continued on.

_Kadar was not fast enough to block one of Malik's attacks. Of course, he wasn't really attacking. They were just training. As Malik's blade came mere centimeters from Kadar, his immediate response was to bite his tongue and hope Malik noticed he was about to hit Kadar. Of course, Malik did notice. He stopped his blade and moved away a bit. Kadar spit on the ground. Red liquid mixed with his saliva and the dirt. He seemed to bite too hard._

They get faster, and more violent.

_Kadar paced the room. Malik was so very late. The sun was setting, and Kadar was worried they wouldn't be able to finish watching the sunset if Malik didn't come soon. The world turned a beautiful purple-orange color. The sun was not quite set when Malik did arrive. They never missed watching the sunset, and Malik wasn't going to miss it today._

The hiccups turned to sobs. In the middle of the day, for the first time since Kadar had died, Malik was crying during the day. "No! stop this -_hic_- nonsense!" he yelled out loud. "Stop, stop, stop... Kadar -_hic_- would not want you to be like this. Be strong, act like a big -_hic_- brother!" Malik fell to his knees. His chest shook with every sob. He was going to make himself sick if he continued. He desperately wiped at his eyes, trying to keep his tears from falling by removing them before they even emerged.

He continued this until his eyes were sore and red from his rubbing. When it hurt too much to continue, he dropped his arm to his side and let his tears fall. His whimpers and sobs echoed through out the bureau. Anyone in or near here would surely hear him. This is exactly what happened. A hand patted Malik's back. "Sometimes it is better to let your emotions out, Brother." said a very familiar voice. Malik raised his head, his tears continuing to fall. His dark brown eyes raised to meet with large golden ones.

"Novice, what are you doing here?" Malik said, trying desperately to discontinue his crying. Altair smiled warmly at the man. "I am here because... I can be." Altair kneeled beside Malik, patting his back and speaking in a soft, caring voice. "Malik, Kadar would not care if you cry. You were..._are _his big brother. There is no reason to judge you for letting your emotions out. It is unhealthy to keep them inside so long." Altair eventually pulled Malik into his lap, trying to calm the man. Malik cried for a long time. Only occasionally would Altair lightly rub Malik's back and whisper for him to try to calm down. Only occasionally when Malik fell into another painful fit of sobs.

When Malik did stop crying, it was only because he ended up crying himself to sleep. His remaining tears clung to his eyelashes. Altair's lower half grew numb for sitting there for so long. He slowly began to stand, placing Malik lightly on the ground. He stretched. Malik looked cute in his sleep. He put a pillow under Malik's head and lightly kissed his cheek. Malik barely stirred. Altair stared down at the man. He kissed his cheek again, then his forehead, then his eyes, then down his jaw. Altair couldn't stop himself. He kissed Malik everywhere he could. Malik didn't wake up. He would only sigh or mumble something every so often. Altair began kissing him again, so that his taste would linger on his lips even after he left. He kissed all the same places. His eyes, forehead, cheek, jaw, neck, collar bone, shoulder. He stopped once he kissed everything again. He had moved back to Malik's face, to kiss his cheek once more. Only, his lips lingered near Malik's. The one armed man shifted slightly, turning his head so that their lips were parallel to each other. Altair stared down at the man. He would never know if he kissed his lips, right now. Altair brushed away any remaining tears from Malik's face. He slid his hand along the side of his face, resting it on his cheek. The other hand took place on the other cheek, creating a symetrical image. Altair leaned down. Malik's lips were so irresistable. Slightly parted, not too dry or too wet. Absolutly delicious looking. If Altair wanted to continue tasting Malik, his lips were perfect place to get his flavor.

Altair leaned a little bit closer, desperately wanting to close the distance between their lips. He rubbed Malik's cheek with his thumb. He wished Malik was awake, so they could share this moment. But, the one armed Rafiq would not enjoy it as much as Altair would, and he was sure of this. Malik's lips moved slightly, a low whisper emmiting from them. "If you are to do it, just hurry up already." Altair nearly jumped. He starred wide eyed Malik. Malik moved his hand to cover Altair's. His eyes slightly cracked, just enough to see Altair's blushing face. "Novice, would you just hurry?" he said, though he was not smiling, Altair could hear the smile in his voice. Altair licked his lips. He slowly leaned downed to close the distance between their lips. When their lips did meet, fireworks exploded inside Altair's head. Malik tasted wonderful. When Altair moved away, Malik pulled him back into another sweet kiss.

The sweetness of the kiss was too much. Altair pulled away again, stopping Malik's hand when he tried to pull him back. "Malik..." he whispered, "you have feelings for me?" Malik nodded. "New found feelings if anything." he answered. Altair nodded at his answer. "I do not deserve any of your feelings. Any good feeling you have for me." He sat up, Malik following. "Why do you say this?" Malik asked, them both still speaking in hushed tones. Altair stared into Malik's soft brown eyes. He closed his own eyes tight and turned away. "I have cost you so much pain, you should not like me, you should not forgive me."

Altair almost began crying. He wanted nothing other than for Malik to forgive him. But he did not want him to forgive him because of everything he did. "I want to forgive you. Kadar would want me to." Malik smiled warmly, pulling Altair into another wonderfully sweet kiss. After a few counts, Altair moved away once more. "But it is my fault Kadar is not here. It is my fault that you are missing an arm..." Altair picked up Malik's sleeve that had been hanging limp to the side. It had become unpinned from the rest of the sleeve. He kissed it softly, looking up to see Malik blush. "I do not care, Altair. I do not care for any of it. I care about now." Malik put his hand on Altair's face. "I care about right now. No one should live in the past, it is history. Do not worry for tomorrow, it is only a mystery. Now is what matters. Right now, with you, this is a gift. That is exactly why they call it the present."

Tears fell lightly to the ground. Malik whiped one away from Altair's eyes. They pulled into another wonderfully sweet kiss, full of every emotion that had ever had for each other. This time, Malik was the first to part. "Maybe I should stop to think, would Kadar want me with another man? I should continue my blood-line..." Altair smiled. "Kadar would want you to be happy." "Wonderful, because I am."

* * *

**A/N:**

**OMG! I loved writing this! It was so cute to write. Though, the further i got into it, the more i hated my writing style. I like to stick with names and "he" and such, not a discription of the person when continuously talking of them. So, i tried saying "rafiq" and "one armed man" a few times. I hated doing that because it made no sence to me, even though i fully understand who i am talking about.  
Ah~ I love my quick little made up memories of Malik and Kadar. They just came to me, as if i was one of them remembering.  
Anyway, i really hope you like this as much as i liked writing it. I find it really sweet. You might as well. I spell checked and everything trying to make it great. Please review, tell me if i can fix anything, tell me how you liked/hated it.**


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